Wednesday, July 29, 2009


In the past few weeks I have felt so alive! I feel like my life is finally taking flight, and its all because well of God first of all, but also I am learning how to step outside of myself and my comfort zones. I know stepping out of our comfort zones can be a challenge and even at times me I know, I've delt with and am dealing with the fear of the "what ifs" and the fear of the unknown, just not believeing in myself enough to do much of anything. I have wasted a lot of my life living in fear and it frustrates me, but on the other hand it has helped me to grow into the woman that I am today. I have spent most of my life as a closed book to any and everyone and I'm just sick of keeping everything locked up inside, I feel like I have never been able to be my true self...well I've been able, but never made the choice to. Our lives are all made up of a series of choices and where we end up is the result of our choices. I use to want to blame other people for why I was the way I was, but its time to take responsibility for my own life and make my life how I want it to be..take action in it and stop being a spectator! I've been reading some very motivativating material lately and its really helped me to begin and I want to say begin because I have a journey to take, but its helped me to begin breaking down walls and barriers that use to hold me back, but only because I let them. Im choosing now to let those walls come tumbling down one by one until my true self is revealed for everyone to see. I know this is just the beginning...and I have so much more growing to do, but I see cracks in the walls and chunks are falling away and I can see the light on the other side and it makes me want to break the walls down even faster! To all those that live in constant fear and axiety I feel you, I understand where you are coming from. The thing about fear is that you have to confront it head on, I believe it was Elenor Roosevelt who said something to the effect of "Do that which scares you the most" and its true thats the only way you can ever be free from whatever scares you is to face it head on, no matter what it is. This is what I have been doing and let me tell you its hard at times I wont lie..very hard, but its worth the dicomfort when you see yourself making strides towards your goals to break that fear. I'm sorry if I'm going on and on its just that I want so many people to be free from what holds them back from truely living the life they want and truely achieving their dreams, whether it be a fit body or something else. PLEASE, DONT LET FEAR RULE YOUR LIFE ANYMORE!!!! I am on this journey to break the hold of fear in my life and whoever may come across this that is dealing with the samething I encourage you to begin your fear breaking will only make you stronger and help open up the doors to your dreams, and help you get back to being YOU, the person you were created to be. As I close I am going to leave you with a song/video from hilary duff..its called "FLY" and the lyrics are exactly what I want to you and to FLY!

In a moment, everything can change,

Feel the wind on your shoulder,

For a minute, all the world can wait,

Let go of yesterday,

Can you hear it calling?

Can you feel it in your soul?

Can you trust this longing?

And take control,


Open up the part of you that wants to hide away,

You can shine,

Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,

And start to try, cause its your time,

Time to fly.

All your worries, leave them somewhere else,

Find a dream you can follow,

Reach for something, when there's nothing left,

And the world's feeling hollow.

Repeat chorus

And when your down and feel alone,

just want to run away,

Trust yourself and don't give up,

You know you better than anyone else,

In a moment, everything can change,

Feel the wind on your shoulder,

For a minute, all the world can wait,

Let go of yesterday

Repeat chorus

In a moment everything can change

Friday, July 17, 2009



lol okay I know you must be think uh oh Angel is slippin up, but I didnt so dont worry...its just that I've been eating clean for about 3 weeks now, I mean Dream bodies clean and boy it can get rough sometimes. I handle it with grace most days because to me even though the food can be a bit plane jane its not horrible, and this is what I have to do in order to achieve my dream body so I'm all for it. BUT and I do mean a huuuuge BUT!!!...there are just some times when I could just go for something that I was so use to eating before the eat out night on fridays, which was basically pizza or chinese lol Well whatdoyaknow its FRIDAY!!! and for some reason this friday has just thrown greasy, delicious, salty, sticky food my way all day! I was at work today and early in the morning a girl that I work with offered me some lil hashbrowns from Burger King and if you know me then you know I love nothin more than a freakin potato in all of its lovely various forms lol but I declined and sipped on my water instead....then a few hours pass til its lunch time and the same girl wants me to walk to the near by mall with her so she can get some food from the food court, so I agree mind you I have already eaten my clean lunch, so I dont have to worry about a hungry stomach causin irrational thinkin. We get to the food court and she ends up ordering a combo plate from a japanese kiosk(we were offered the lil sample chicken on a tooth pick, and I politely said no thank you, BUT I REALLY WANTED THAT CHICKEN ON A TOOTHPICK!!!!!) woah sorry about that I lost it for a minute ;) The thing is is here I am eating clean and doin my best so that I can be healthy and have a beautiful fit body, and here this lil girl is about the size of the toothpick that she ate the chicken off of stuffin her face all day long with garbage and I dont know it just seemed so wrong. Phew..I'm not done gets better...or I'm at home and my brother starts to tell my sister and I how he has tried out not 1 but 2! pizza places near his new job and goes on raving about the different slices he tried and how great they are(he was killin me softly...) Then its around dinner time so after I worked out and took my supplements it was time for my dinner and I go down stairs to see oh what? nothin but my sister saunterin in the kitchen with some CHINESE FOOD!!! oh the smell took me back and so I quickly took my clean dinner and went upstairs to my room to eat and focus on my goals and why I CHOOSE not to eat those things anymore.... Well I just really had to get this off my chest, because I know I'm not the only one who goes through this, and I also know that this will not be the last time that I go through this, so I am proud of myself for stickin to my guns so to speak and not givin in..this journey is too important to me, and I have to stay as strong as I possibly can. So yes bad food does taste good, but its not good for ya, and besides do you really wanna look like this guy?

Monday, July 13, 2009


Tonight I had a talk with my life/fitness coach and she mentioned how up until now I've been very vague...I guess all of my responses to her questions haven't lent her any insight to how I really feel and where those feelings are coming from. To be honest I don't really talk much about my feelings...but I have always been like that. I'm not a person who can easily open up...I've been trying to. It's issues that go deep...deeper than maybe I'm able to express right now...

I want this so bad and I know I don't seem excited but its just because I'm afraid to fail, because I never felt like I achieved anything great in life, so its not that I'm not excited I'm just a little jaded. I've been promised things before and they failed to eliver or I did..I'm so hungry for this and I wish I could express that in a better way!

I know I may seem shallow emotionally but I'm a lot deeper than I appear. At the end of our conversation I started to cry because I have to reach my goals...I'm not satisfied with where I'm at right now and I can't stop until I am and that's where a whole lot of HOPE and FAITH and PRAYER comes in...

Saturday, July 11, 2009


Ok so my last post was titled Hope and though I have it maybe I've been coming off a little too doubtful. I know I have to focus on the positives along the way while I'm on this journey to my dream body...Yes there will be difficult times, but this is really fun!!! Tina (since you're the only one who reads my blogs anyway :) ) I was reading one of your older posts and it had a theme about "The Climb" ya even through cute lil miley in there wit her song which I love by the way..anyway lol it really got me thinking and yes of course there is always gonna be a mountain or somethin in the way, i mean thats just life but if we could just enjoy the climb and not worry about whats on the other side of the freakin mountain, but just know that we are going to reach the other side, I think we could enjoy the journey a bit more... I dont know maybe I'm reading wrong into what that song is saying but, for me and my journey to my dream body I feel like I have been so anxious to see and know what I'm going to look like and wanting it right away without actually giving myself the chance to focus on the climb (the hard work, the eating clean, the workouts..all apart of the climb). This is what I should focus on and not try to force myself to be some where that I'm not yet.

I do have faith that one day I am going to look into the mirror and see that all of my hard work has paid off. I have faith that I wont only have changed on the outside but also my true self on the inside. I also want to be able to inspire other people one day to never give up on their dreams and to not be afraid to work hard for them. Faith is very important Tina and I don't know where I'd be today without it. I struggle in a lot of areas in my life and faith is what keeps me going, knowing that if I just believe even though I can't see it yet, but just know that it is already done then it is mine.

This is my journal entry from yesterday: Today I didn't want to get out of bed!!! lol I was just sleeping so good, but I knew I had to start my clean eating and get ready for my extra cardio. I ate breakfast read my email/blogs did my workout and I felt great!!! I also weighed myself which ok I know I shouldn't have but I did and YAY I'm out of the 200's!!!!! I'm so happy : ). I am not not not going back believe you me! I am climbing my way to the top, cuz its all about the climb!!! Whats on the other side I'll see when I get there but for right now its all about the climb itself! :)

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Well its late at night and I just got finished reading some very uplifting blog posts by the lovely Tina ;) . Lately I have been battling some negative thinking and its been kinda rough for me, but I am pushing back at those neg thoughts and I am thinking and speaking postive things over myself and my goals.

I know for myself sometimes even as unrealistic as it may seem, I want to see immediate resluts, and I get so eager to reach my goals, I guess its cuz I'm just so tired of waitng for MY day, for MY chance to be happy, and though I know that being fit wont bring me complete happiness but it will be an accomplishment that I can be proud of, that I worked hard at that I can say I did it, I changed an area of my life for the better.

I have to know that this is a journey and that everyday whether visable or not I am making progress and though my body now is not where I want my body to be, I must except the fact that this is where I'm at and to also except the fact that this is not where I'm going to stay.

So I do have hope...and its what gets me through evey single day...hope and faith...constantly pushing forward...

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


Today is a new day of course, but I'm gonna talk a little bit about yesterday...
well everything was going great with my clean eating and even my workouts went ok(I workout @ home and I've really been thinking about joinging a gym so I can have more options), but I felt very alone in this. I guess I'm not the type of person to call someone up and just say "hey I need some encouragement", I guess its just my personality, I always feel like I'm bugging somone. Anyway I start to think "well no matter what if I have to do this on my own I'll find a way, because I'm not going backwards, I can only move forwards in my journey to my dream body. As I look at before and after pictures and read testimonies of other peoples success, there is always somethin naggin me in the back of my mind telling me that that can never be me! I know its not the truth but its just one of those things, like I visualize how I want to look and I can see it, but when I actually look at myself in the mirror I'm horrified and I can't begin to imagine how I'm gonna change THAT body into my DREAM body... I guess its somehthing that most people struggle with, but how do you over come that? I guess I'm so use to failure that I can't see, nor do I know what winning looks like, or if its even an option for me....oh boy this post is not turning out to be a good one, sorry I guess I just needed to get this off my chest and hope that someone out there hears me and understands what I'm going through...hopefully tomorrow will be on a lighter note :/